Dear Coquette,

What is a feminist?

Someone who practices feminism.

Why do so many people call themselves feminists?

Because most people find reductive labels comforting.

Why do some guys wear those shirts that say “This is what a feminist looks like”?

Because there was no room left on their cars for another bumper sticker.

Do feminists have something against pornography? Fun? Sex? Dudes?

Some of them do, but feminism is not the source of their negativity.

Am I a feminist if I don’t hate men but generally think they’re a bit silly and like to have them around to eat sandwiches and laugh and have sex with?

It depends on who’s making the sandwiches.

How do I know if swinging is right for me?

It won’t be right until that question ends with an “us” instead of a “me.”

When do you say “literally” and when do you say “actually”?

Use “literally” to distinguish between language that might be confused as figurative speech. Use “actually” to clarify a statement that might be confused as unreal or exaggerated. If you don’t understand the difference, just use “actually.”

What are we supposed to be doing?

Whatever the hell you want.

Should I drop out of college and become a flight attendant?

Someone is lying to you about the glamour of the airline industry.

What’s the best way to mentally/emotionally deal with a stupid, little, irrational, yet persistent, crush on your best friend’s boyfriend?

Quit it. Recognize that the crush is an unhealthy manifestation of envy.

I’m a guy. Just asked another guy out for a drink (date). We’ve met at a few parties, but when he shows up at the bar, how do I greet him? I feel like a hug is too forward and a handshake makes it feel like a business meeting. Help a brother out.

Dude, relax. Get out of your head and just be in the moment. Overthinking something like that is a one-way ticket to awkward town.

I don’t know whether to take everything that you say as truth or if you’re just a pathological liar.

In the words of philosopher George Costanza, “It’s not a lie if you believe it.”