Dear Coquette,

What are your thoughts on getting an invite to a wedding without a plus-one when you’re single, but everyone else who is in a relationship gets to bring their boyfriend/girlfriend/partner?

If a conservative estimate of 25 invitations per wedding go out to singles, who are all given the option of adding a plus-one at an average cost of $200 per head, that’s $5,000 that the bride and groom have to pad into the budget so a bunch of wild cards can show up at their wedding.

Should they have to shell out an extra five grand so their single friends can date at their reception? Hell no. Especially when you consider that bringing a date to a wedding is like bringing sand to the beach.

Just suck it up and do what all the other singles do. Hang with your friends, or find a hottie on the other side of the aisle and get some.


Dear Coquette,

My boyfriend is reluctant to seek professional help for his severe depression because he believes it will hinder his creativity. What are your thoughts on the idea of depression as a “heroic melancholy” rather than a dangerous mental illness?

“Heroic melancholy” is just a stupid cliché for drama queens who want to romanticize their insufferability. Unless your boyfriend has already sought out professional help and knows firsthand the effects of treatment, he’s just talking out of his ass.

Antidepressants might very well have a noticeable effect on whatever your boyfriend considers to be his creativity. Then again, they might not. That’s not even the point, really, because the problem here isn’t that your boyfriend is legitimately concerned about side effects of medication. The problem is that he’s clinging to severe depression like it’s a part of his identity.

You can’t let him get away with that kind of thinking.


Dear Coquette,

I’m 19 years old and my parents have been married for 25 years. Today, my mom confessed to me that she’s fallen out of love with my dad. She said she has lost a lot of respect for him over the years because of how certain situations have been handled.

In the past year, our dog died and my family has gone into financial ruin. My mom and I have severe anxiety (and she has depression), so I try to help my mom by talking things out with her when she is worried. She’s developed a lot of guilt for the lack of love she feels for my dad, and in turn contemplates a divorce. She has already let my dad know all of this.

My parents’ marriage has always seemed so picture-perfect. This is why I was so surprised to hear what my mom had to say today. My parents never fight (mostly because my dad is super passive) so I wasn’t aware of anything.

I respect both of my parents so much, and I just don’t understand why two good, intelligent, caring people could fall out of love with each other. I don’t know how to approach this situation while I am home from college for the summer. I know I can’t control any part of the situation at hand, but I can’t shake the feeling of helplessness. I wish I could convince my mom to maybe consider the fact that she is going through a very tough time right now, and that maybe she feels that way because of everything else happening at the moment.

Sorry, kid. It’s time for a little brutal truth. The only reason your parents aren’t divorced yet is because they can’t afford it.

It’s one thing for your mom to fall out of love with your dad. That happens. People in committed, long-term relationships can fall in and out of love with each other, but once the respect is gone, that’s it. If your mom is capable of effectively communicating to you that she’s lost respect for your dad, the marriage is all but over.

You’re right that your parents are going through a very tough time right now, and they definitely feel the way they do because of everything that is happening at the moment, but that doesn’t mean the damage done to their relationship is reversible, and it certainly isn’t on you to fix it.

Your parents definitely need marriage counseling, but you can’t be their therapist. You are the child in this family, and even though you’re a college-aged adult who has essentially flown the nest, the parent/child dynamic you’ve always known isn’t going to change all that much.

The best thing for you to do is embrace the helplessness you’re feeling right now. In other words, face your fears of your parents’ imminent divorce. By all means, try and get them into couples counseling, but don’t try and be the one to referee or repair their marriage.

Make sure they both know they have your unconditional love, and make sure you know you have theirs as well. Beyond that, you really have to accept the fact that you can’t control the situation.


Email your questions to Coquette at dearcoquette@gmail.com

(Source: thedaily.com)